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The Nightmare is Dissolved
Fri Apr 17, 2009 1:11 pm by ZeroVenkage
So it is, so it shall be then.

((this is kham... I got rid of the big giant red fuck you post because the huge pic was really annoying, it moved the entire page over like 10 inches))

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 Stupid News

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Aeon Revorse
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Tue Mar 10, 2009 5:06 pm

Truman the Octopus?? What a silly name..Oswald fits much btter.
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Sadi D
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:56 pm

<<"I thought Stupid News died!
"...It got better...">>

*breaks open Stupid News's casket* We aren't dead yet!!! XO I'm back, bringing you the latest in stupid, strange, and just plain silly news. To make up for lost time...this is bout to be a big one...

Quote :
Fla. man sets neighbor's skateboard ramp on fire

ORANGE CITY, Fla. Sheriff deputies said a man set a skateboard ramp on fire after he repeatedly asked his neighbors to remove it from the road near his home. Police said they found a 45-year-old man arguing with neighbors and the man who built the ramp after he set it on fire with a lighter.

Firefighters were also called to douse the flaming ramp.

The man told deputies that he told the builder several times to keep the ramp out of the road.

The man was charged with criminal mischief and released from the Volusia County Branch Jail.

Quote :
Pastor, man cited for shooting arrow in church

SHEBOYGAN FALLS, Wis. A pastor and parishioner have been cited by police for shooting an arrow during a church service. The pastor asked to have the arrow shot across the front of the church during a recent service at Pentecostals of Sheboygan County as a 'teaching tool.'

As the parishioner prepared to shoot the arrow with his bow, one man stood up and objected, telling the pastor it was unsafe and illegal. Parishioners said the pastor told the man to be quiet and sit down.

When the man objected a second time, the pastor asked him to leave. He did and called police.

The parishioner was cited for using a missile indoors and the pastor was cited for aiding and abetting. Both were fined $109.

Quote :
Fla. student suspended from bus for passing gas

LAKELAND, Fla. An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

Polk County school officials said there's no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.

The teen said he wasn't the one passing gas.

Whether he did it or not, he might have gotten off easy. A 13-year-old student at a Stuart school was arrested in November after authorities said he broke wind in class.

Quote :
Passenger Allegedly Assaults Arizona Cabbie, Then Asks To Be Driven To Jail

Sheriff's deputies didn't have far to go to book a man accused of threatening to stab a cabbie. They arrested the 24-year-old suspect in the parking lot of the county jail in Prescott, driven there at his request by the victim. The cabbie told deputies that he'd picked up the man on Friday morning and drove him to a location on Senator Highway.

Upon arriving, the driver said the man told him he couldn't pay the $32 fare and began chasing him with a knife when the driver said he'd was going to call police.

The driver got said he got the man to stop when he offered to take him to a bank to make a withdrawal to pay his fare. But on the way, the cabbie said the man suggested he take him to jail instead.

Quote :
Cleveland Restaurant Offers A One-cent Breakfast

Owners of a Cleveland restaurant said tough times are one reason they're offering a one-cent breakfast special this week. With the purchase of a drink at the regular price, customers at the Big Egg can get two eggs, hash browns, and toast for just a penny. Co-owner Jimmy Lababidi said the cheap meal should help people who have lost their jobs through layoffs.

With their promotion, he and his brother Ahmad also are trying to spread the word that the Big Egg is back. It was once an institution on the city's west side, but it closed in 2000 under its former owners following a series of health code violations.

The restaurant reopened last month.

The breakfast deal is good 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. through Thursday of this week.

Quote :
Mama Mia! Pizza Shop Manager Discovers Suspected Burglar Trapped In Oven Vent

The manager of a Blackjack Pizza outlet in Denver got a start when he discovered a man's legs hanging from a vent above the restaurant's oven. Police said the dangling legs were accompanied by a voice yelling, "help me, help me" Friday morning. Police spokesman Sonny Jackson said the 5-foot-10, 170-pound man told officers and firefighters he'd been stuck in the duct for five or six hours.

Jackson said the man was arrested on suspicion of burglary.

Police haven't identified the suspect or the manager. The store was closed later Friday.

Jackson said the man could have been asphyxiated if the oven had turned on automatically or if the manager hadn't come in early.

Quote :
Alleged Robber Grabs Money, Then Hands It Back

A was accused of walking out of a downtown Domino's pizza restaurant with $117 _ then handing almost all of the money right back. Police said a 55-year-old man threatened a cashier on Saturday night and said he had a gun. The cashier handed over the money and the man left on foot toward his nearby apartment.

But two Domino's managers followed the man and confronted him, despite his gun threat. Police said he handed over all but $20 of the money.

Police said they collected the remaining $20 from his apartment, where he was arrested and later charged with two counts of second-degree robbery. Police did not find a gun.

Quote :
Man Tries To Rob Chinese Restaurant As Cops Dine

A Massachusetts man had some misfortune when he allegedly tried to rob a Chinese restaurant. Four plainclothes police officers were enjoying their dinner at the time.

The man was arraigned Thursday in Lawrence District Court on charges of unarmed robbery, larceny, assault and battery on a police officer, and resisting arrest.

Authorities said he went into the Golden House Restaurant on Wednesday night and asked the cashier to change a quarter. When she opened the register, the man allegedly grabbed $150.

The Eagle-Tribune reports that the owner yelled "Robbery, police." Sgt. Robert Michaud, officers Ivan Resto, Marco Ayala and Jaime Adames chased the man out of the restaurant and captured him after a brief foot chase.

Quote :
Cop: "There is no reason an adult should have [Animal Crossing],"


If your kids play interactive video games, like the Nintendo Wii, be on the lookout. The Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force is warning of predators using games like, "Animal Crossing- City Folk," to target kids.

Using the game you create a character and create your own town and house. When hooked up to the internet you can talk to anyone across the country. Kids playing the game have no control over what other players might be saying. For example, the character we ran across could be the man in California police are warning about.

"There is no reason an adult should have this game," says Andy Anderson, Mid-Missouri Internet Crimes Task Force.

Anderson says adults playing "animal crossing" and similar games are likely doing it for the wrong reasons.

You probably have told your kids never to talk to strangers, but when playing, the heart of the game is building relationships with the animals in your town as well as other players. To really reach the next level, the game urges you to exchange letters, gifts, and favors.

Anderson says it is going to take parents paying attention to keep this problem from exploding.

"The equipment is real expensive and we cannot afford to buy all of the systems and do not have the resources either to examine all of the possibilities," Anderson explains.
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Kumiko
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:34 pm

o.O wow.... that... is a mass of retarded people....
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Sadi D
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Sun Mar 29, 2009 9:33 pm

<<Only the crumbliest, flakiest Stupid News.>>

We start today off with the dumbest of the dumb.
Quote :
HARRISBURG, Pa. A retired police chief said he was robbed by "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," at a police officers' convention on Friday morning. John Comparetto said as he came out of a stall in the men's room, a man pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. There were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering.

Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone. But when the man fled, Comparetto and some colleagues chased him. They arrested a 19-year-old man as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

The suspect is also awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges.

The suspect was arraigned and taken to Dauphin County Prison. When a reporter asked the suspect for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."

For those desiring a ball or two...
Quote :
OAKDALE, Calif. The fundraising idea may seem a little nuts, but Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival is always a big hit. On Monday, volunteers with the town's Rotary Club plan to fry up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls and serve them to diners who pay $50 apiece for the sit-down meal.

The event, whose proceeds also benefit the Oakland Cowboy Museum, has drawn an average of 450 people and last year raised $28,000.

It's common practice on cattle ranches for young male bovines to be castrated into steers, which after the initial loss, eventually makes them more docile and easier to handle. Fans of the delicacy, also referred to as "mountain oysters," come from around the state.

According to Rotarians, everyone who buys a ticket is guaranteed to "have a ball."

Who the hell is getting fast food at 3 A.M...?!
Quote :
OREM, Utah Police had an easy time catching a man suspected of driving under the influence. He was waiting for them in his car where they said he was passed out in the driver's seat in the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant.

According to police, another customer found the Houston man unconscious at the drive-thru around 3 a.m. Thursday. The other customer took the keys out of the ignition and called police, who arrested the man on suspicion of driving under the influence.

Police said the man passed out because of a combination of alcohol and prescription drugs.

This...actually isn't so bad.
Quote :
HOPKINSVILLE, Ky. A patron at the I Don't Care Bar & Grill evidently didn't care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked. The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm.

Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out.

So they helped him leave the bar.

No one was arrested. Evidently it's not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don't Care.

Wangs are up while Balls and Cockshotts are on steady decline.
Quote :
LONDON (Reuters) The number of people in Britain with surnames like Cockshott, Balls, Death and Shufflebottom -- likely the source of schoolroom laughter -- has declined by up to 75 percent in the last century.

A study found the number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904 and the number of Deaths were reduced to 605 from 1,133.

People named Smellie decreased by 70 percent, Dafts by 51 percent, Gotobeds by 42 percent, Shufflebottoms by 40 percent, and Cockshotts by 34 percent, said Richard Webber, visiting professor of geography at King's College, London.

"If you find the (absolute) number goes down, it's either because they changed their names or they emigrated," Webber, author of the study, told Reuters on Wednesday.

He said that in many cases, people probably changed their surnames as they came to be regarded as in bad taste. "It's because the meaning of words can change. Take the name Daft -- that as a term for a stupid is a relatively recent innovation."

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, Daft meant "mild" or "meek" in Old English, whereas it means "foolish" today.

"That's why there are names which people think aren't really very pleasant names and you wonder why they persisted as long as they did."

Webber, whose work can be seen on the website mapyourname.com, got his data for 2008 from credit card firm Experian and mapping service Geowise. He then compared it with the census of 1881.

Webber also discovered that the most popular names in Britain have not changed over the past 127 years. Last year, Smith, Jones, Williams, Brown, Taylor and Davies held the top five spots, in exactly the same order as they did a century ago.

Webber also found that between 1996 and 2008, the names Zhang, Wang, and Yang and experienced the fastest growth. Zhang rose by 4719 percent, while Wang grew by 2225 percent.

Who does this kinda stuff...[insert headdesk]
Quote :
HARTFORD, Connecticut (Reuters) An American woman handcuffed herself to her sleeping husband in an apparent attempt to resolve an argument, but police ended up breaking into their home and charging her with assault and other crimes, authorities said on Tuesday.

Helen Sun, 37, handcuffed herself to Robert Drawbough as he slept in their Fairfield, Connecticut, home on Monday in an effort to reconcile their differences, police said.

But when Drawbough called police with his cell phone, Sun responded by biting him on the arms and torso, police said.

Police officers heard screams when they arrived at the home and forced their way in, said Chris Lyddy of the Fairfield Police Department. Sun had also changed the locks on their bedroom door.

Sun was charged with third-degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment and unlawful restraint. She was released on a $400 bond.

"I can't say I've ever seen a scenario quite like this," said Lyddy.
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Zeik Hellgate
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Sun Mar 29, 2009 9:36 pm

Aeon Revorse wrote:
Truman the Octopus?? What a silly name..Oswald fits much btter.

fuc kthat show. octopus cant live on land..got dammit
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Sadi D
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Sun Mar 29, 2009 9:42 pm

*throws a cake at Zeik's head* We're off that topic! Embrace the future! RAWR!!!
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Sadi D
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PostSubject: Re: Stupid News   Fri Apr 03, 2009 12:04 am

<<Stupid News tested, mother approved.>>

Quote :
NEW YORK (Reuters) A luggage handler flew from New York to Boston after falling asleep in the cargo hold of a JetBlue airliner but was unharmed and not charged with any crime, media reports and officials said.

Massachusetts state police said the 21-year-old man was discovered in the cargo hold when the plane landed at Boston's Logan Airport on Saturday but provided no further details.

JetBlue would only say it was investigating the incident.

Channel 7 News in Boston reported the man fell asleep with the luggage in New York and that baggage handlers in Boston were shocked to discover him when they opened the cargo door.

Quote :
Lemon cola becomes holy water in baptism

OSLO (Reuters) A Norwegian church used lemon-flavored cola instead of water in a baptism ceremony after its taps were temporarily turned off because of freezing temperatures, daily Vaart Land said Tuesday.

Priest Paal Dale from the town of Stord, about 150 miles west of the capital Oslo, improvised during a recent cold-spell by dabbing the lemon fizzy water on a baby during a baptism ceremony, it said.

"It had gone flat," Dale was quoted as saying by the newspaper. "Only the lemon smell made this unusual."

Dale said the child's family were informed about the switch only after the ceremony because the priest "had a need to inform" them about the lingering lemon scent.

"They didn't say much, but I assumed they smelled the aroma as well," Dale told Vaart Land.

Quote :
Man brings home the bacon

TAIPEI (Reuters) A Taiwanese farmer has adopted 12 wild pigs as pets, training them to trot behind his motor scooter for miles and also to stop at traffic lights.

The pigs, all less than a year old, fall into line whenever Lee Tung-cheng lets them out of his rural Pingtung county yard and starts up his scooter. They go out together almost every day and know the rules of the road, he told Reuters on Wednesday.

Lee found the piglets about four months ago and plans to keep them rather than slaughter them.

"They're very smart and very well behaved," said Lee, 66. "The older they get, the better behaved they will be."

A photo in Taiwan's Liberty Times newspaper showed the black and brown piglets packed together trotting down a residential street as another scooter rider stops to look on.

Wild swine are common on farms in rural Taiwan.

Quote :
Cereal box typo sends callers to phone sex line

HALFWAY, Md. An Oregon company has ordered new packaging for its Peace Cereal after a typo on the box sent callers to a phone sex line instead of the cereal maker's 800 number. Instead of reaching Golden Temple of Oregon, callers were greeted by a recorded voice asking, "Do you love sex? ... Isn't that why you called?"

Spokeswoman Elissa Brown said Eugene, Ore.-based Golden Temple ordered new packaging when the mistake was discovered in December and new boxes have been shipping out for weeks.

However, 13 varieties of the cereal were on shelves Wednesday at one Halfway, Md., grocery store, including seven varieties in boxes bearing the incorrect telephone number.
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